Friday, 27 July 2012

Army pipe specifications

The following entertaining engineering specification sheet from the archives makes fun of the UK Army's tendency to state the obvious in order to ensure that the soldiers are unable to claim ignorance of the rules, and demonstrates their condescending attitude to contractors.  given the nature of some of these contractors that is not unreasonable!  I'm sure other armies do something similar.
  1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic, centred around the hole.
  2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length — do not use holes of different length than the pipe.
  3. The ID (Inside Diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the OD (Outside Diameter) — otherwise the hole will be on the outside.
  4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole, so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date.
  5. All pipe is to be supplied without rust; this can be more readily applied at the job site.  NOTE.  Some vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipes.  If available in your area, this product is recommended, as it will save a great deal of time at the job site.
  6. All pipe over 500 feet (150 m) in length should have the words “LONG PIPE” clearly painted on each side and end, so the contractor will know it’s a long pipe.
  7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must also have the words “LONG PIPE” painted in the middle, so the contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether it is a long or a short pipe.
  8. All pipe over 6ft (1.83m) in diameter must have the words “LARGE RIPE” painted on it, so the contactor will not mistake it for a small pipe.
  9. Flanges must be used on all pipes.  Flanges must have holes for bolts, quite separate from the big hole in the middle.
  10. When ordering 90 degree or 30 degree elbows, be sure to specify left-handed or right-hand, otherwise you will end up going the wrong way.
  11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe.  If you use downhill pipes for going uphill , the water will flow the wrong way.
  12. All couplings should have either right-hand or left-hand threads, but do not mix the threads, otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is being unscrewed from the other
  13. All pipes shorter than 1/8 in (3mm) are very uneconomical in use, requiring many joints They are generally known as washers.
  14. Joints in pipes for water must be water-tight.  Those in pipes for compressed air, however, need only be air-tight.
  15. Lengths of pipes may be welded together or soldered together.  This method is not recommended for concrete or earthenware
  16. Other commodities are often confused with pipes.  These include: Conduit, Tube, Tunnel and Drain.  Use only genuine pipes.
  17. Scottish Regiments in the Army use Army pipes in unusual ways.  These are not approved of in engineering circles.
Bagpies!  Pipes - not approved in army engineering circles.
Pipes - not approved in engineering circles.

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