Wednesday, 17 August 2011

Governmentium - the heaviest element

Isn't it interesting to realise that you can work with people for years without really knowing about their sense of humour or that they sometimes demonstrate a skill for skepticism (even bordering on cynicism).  Cynicism is of course not welcome on this blog, but I think it is safe to take the risk of re-publishing something that one of my colleagues sent to me this week - with a few tiny modifications.  I remember it from a few years ago but enjoyed seeing it again.

Oh course I should point out that I hardly recognise any of the features from the organisation where I work - but to be perfectly honest, I can't.


A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science, and observed that plentiful amounts of it can be found all around us.

The new element has recently been named 'Governmentium'.  Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four weeks to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which absorbs just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.


Pruthvi said...

Ha ha ha ha ! Very funny. Your friend has a great sense of humour .

Dobbin said...

How funny...and true......