Paraprosdokia

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to  reinterpret the first part.

First a few interesting observations about life:

• Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Of course God features in some of these:

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

And then a few lessons to the wise:

• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the  list.

Related post:  The Four Jokes   (see item 1)